Still Moping

I'm still moping about yesterday. Mike has repeatedly apologized but I have heard it so often I am tired of it. In the mean time I told him if he is sorry to prove it. He said he will figure out a way... I just hope he can figure out that he can prove it by finishing up the practice tests for his GED or getting up on time... though I am not sure if either of those two things will hit him. 


I asked him if he ended up going over there and smoking out and he said no... I don't know if I believe him or not. I want to believe him I really do and the reason he gave (his friend is broke) seemed reasonable enough to believe but if they were hanging out with his friends dad who is loaded I would be rather surprised that the dad didn't end up giving him money. 


Mike also said (he was actually awake before 10am) that Moriah (his friend's fiance) "took it upon herself to wrench a shitload of blackness (his sadness about his girlfriend breaking up with him and their past) out of my heart by force"... Okay... I asked him how she did this and he never replied which makes a couple of thoughts pop up in my mind... 


1) Did she do this by having sex with you (they have had 4-somes in the past both Mike and their friends are in an open relationship) in which case he is only going to feel better for a short while.


2) Did she do this by giving you psychedelics... in which case WTF why can't any of you guys ever try and solve your problems out side of drugs.


3) Did she do this by talking to you and if so (and this is very selfish on my part) what the hell was I doing wrong that I couldn't make you feel better like that. 


I think the 3rd one is the one that bothers me the most really. I am happy he finally woke up on time for once and that he feels better, but I'm sad because it wasn't me that was able to make him feel like that. I know that is super selfish and I will get over it its just that after spending so much time and energy with him was it all just pointless? Really I know its not pointless just... I don't know... I guess in a way I'm jealous... also grateful but jealous still... I wanted to be the one to make him feel better. hrumph. 


In other news I stupidly volunteered myself for dish washing tonight at the old sushi restaurant after I told myself in the past that I wouldn't work there again... I guess in the end I'm a sucker for helping people. Well that and a little bit of extra money doesn't hurt either... *sigh*


I was so upset last night I ended up crying right before we went to bed and now I just feel totally exhausted. I really wish I didn't say I would help with the kitchen... ugh... Who knows maybe they will call me and tell me not to come in... fact chance of that I think...