Therapist M.D. - Prozac & Xanax

This morning was my meeting with the M.D. to see if I would be put on medication for my anxiety. Of course nothing can be done easily, my car ride to Brandon was insane because I am battling with traffic and people are all around trying to kill each other. When I do get there after filling out a couple pages worth of patient information they tell me that I have to be recommended by my primary care physician otherwise they will have to charge me the full amount. Now I do not now nor have I for a while had a primary care physician. I had to call up my insurance company and ask them (after two attempts at getting through to someone) that I am seeing and M.D. Psychiatrist and I do not have a PCP so am I going to get charged, she of course said no and that the co pay was $15. Now I have a bad feeling that this will end up coming back and biting me in the butt and I will end up getting billed for a couple hundred bucks down the road. But what I am hoping is that they recorded the conversation and have it on file, which I know is a long shot.

My appointment was scheduled for 8:45 to meet with the doc (had to be there at 8:15 to fill out paperwork) but of course I had to ask them how much longer it would be once the clock hit 9am. Not even two minutes later the doc poked her head out and I was in the room talking to her.

She seemed very nice caring straight forward asked appropriate questions. (very much NOT like my last visit). I felt pretty comfortable with her. I have another meeting with her in 6 weeks and until then she has prescribed me prozac and xanax as needed.

Now I was suprised about the prescription for Prozac and I didn't really want to be stuck on taking a pill every day but she did mention that it may help me lose weight have more energy in the morning and it will help with anxiety. The bad news is that it takes 6-8 weeks to take effect. I have heard some pretty bad stories about prozac too which is a little scary. For the time being I am just going to see if my attitude changes (for the worse) and let her know what is up.

The xanax I pretty much knew I would be getting. Its mainly there as a "break glass in case of an emergency" if my anxiety start to realy flare up during the day. Again I can deal with having an anxiety attack at home but I am worried like crazy that I will have one at work and they will fire me or something crazy like that.

I am also hoping that either of these medications will allow me to concentrate better at work and motivate me to get my work done. Whether either medication will actually do that is still a mystery.

So far I have taken a half of a xanax just to see how I would feel. (a half of a .5 mg dose) I feel just kind of sleepy like when I don't get enough sleep and my eyes are droopy, thats about it though nothing special or bad.

I just hope in the long run this will straighten me out a bit until the money situation is more under control.

Therapist - Anxiety

My appointment is set for Thursday with the therapist. I keep thinking, "oh its okay I feel better this week so I can just cancel". In the mean time I am still having to do the - take a deep breath and exhale slowly routine. The more I think about the dentist and my credit cards and Curtis' school costs the more it feels like something is tightening across my chest.

I am still having a horrible time concentrating at work too. I really hope whatever they suggests help. I don't want to go back on Welbutrin XL because I don't really believe that I am depressed. I mean I have bouts of being down but nothing that lasts more then a couple of days and it doesn't come up too often so I think I am okay in that department. I am kind of hoping for some kind of medication I can just take when things feel like they are getting bad and I just need something to relax myself a bit. I don't really know if something like that even exists. I mean I know there is daily medication for that kind of thing but I really don't want to have to take yet another pill (birth control pill is the other pill) every day.

I keep thinking maybe I should cancel or just not show up but the appointment will only be $15 and if I can get them to prescribe me something quickly I think it wouldn't be so bad. That is probably not a good way to look at it but oh well.

For now I am just going to focus on keeping my appointment and hopefully nothing will sway me for actually going to it this time. 

No Wedding for Me

So I decided, on my own, last night that instead of using the money we saved up to have a wedding we should just use all of it to fix Curtis' teeth. I cried a little this morning about it and I am not completely over it but I know its the right thing to do. Curtis' health and well being mean more to me then anything in the long run. We can still have a ceremony later down the line too but I think its going to be a long while before that happens.

I also have a doctors appointment next week Thursday to talk to someone about my anxiety and see if maybe they can give me something for it. I don't really feel like talking about my problems to another person I just want something so I don't feel like I am going to have an anxiety attack every day.


I also had a review today at work and they are happy with me thank god. I always feel like I can do more and no one likes me but I guess I just need to get over that too.