Bye Bye Prozac

So a couple of days ago I decided to take myself off of Prozac. Why? Because while I hate feeling jittery and anxious it makes me feel a lot better then being depressed. I noticed that I had started to become incredibly lethargic. I mean I didn't want to do ANYTHING. I just wanted to sleep I wasn't interested in anything and all together just felt like poo.

I am now practically bouncing around by my cubicle, still not getting any actual work done (which will eventually come and bite me in the rear) but I feel better and as far as my personal life is concerned (the wedding) I am being far more productive. So much so I found two dresses I actually sorta like but am still hoping to find something better.

One of my coworkers even offered to come with me to a bridal show on Sunday if Curtis couldn't make it because of work. 

Speaking of work they just called me to tell me I won't need to come in today. It kind of sucks though cause it means less money in the wedding fund which has me a little worried. We have soooo close to $2,000 saved and that means just another $2,000 to go to have a nice small wedding.

I am kind of nervous as to what my therapist has to say about e taking myself off the Prozac but oh well I rather feel jittery then depressed any day. I am also currently not on birth control just because I haven't went and picked up my prescription yet and in a way it feels kind of nice to not have to pop a pill every day.
 

Update

I've been taking my prozac every night and so far I guess its working alright. I am not as exhausted all day and I don't get nearly as irritated as easily as I used to which is a good thing. But the past two days I have not gotten very good sleep at all. Though part of it could be from the crappy weather we have been having. I very rarely ever take the xanax now mainly because it puts me straight to sleep. Its something I will have to discuss with my therapist along with the fact I am taking the prozac at night and that I am worried its going to cause me to gain weight. 

 

Curtis's Dentist is STILL working on his teeth. He has a 4th... or is it 5th... appointment at the end of April. They still have two crowns to do and I think something else but I'm not sure. Luckily all of this is already paid for so outside the cost of gas driving all the way to Tampa all those times its not that bad. 

It also appears that our room mate's friends and girlfriend will NOT be moving into our apartment, allowing Curtis and I to find a new place. Charlie (the room mate) broke up with his girlfriend (or she broke up with him I didn't get all the details) for a 3rd time since they have been dating for 6 months. We'll see if this break up actaully lasts or if its just going to be like all the others and they will just end up back together. Regardless if they do or not one of the guys who would have had to move in with Charlie is against the idea of all of them moving in together, and frankly I can't blame him. But of course that means Curtis and I will be stuck in that house with the room mate till the first of October. *sigh*

The weather has been absolutely horrible the past couple of days. Today we had multiple tornado warnings and I was grateful that my drive to work wasn't too bad and it wasn't pouring down rain (like it is now). All I have to do now is make it back home safely in my tiny little car as I drive across 60 hoping the wind doesn't blow me into the gulf. On the plus side I don't have to drive all the way over to the sushi shop today in this weather. We weren't exactly going to be flocked with customers anyway, though it kind of stinks cause thats hours and tips that I am missing out on. Oh well I will get to wash dishes tomorrow, and hopefully they won't send me home early. 

Speaking of sushi I have been eating it like a crazy person lately. Mainly just salmon avocado rolls but still. Its not exactly cheap, it doesn't help me save for the wedding, its just that its soooo freaking yummy!!! something about the flavor combo of those two things with the rice, seaweed, and then sesame seeds on top that makes it nearly irresistible to me. Nearly being the key word. I will not be partaking in sushi-ness tonight (especially with this weather) and the fact i don't have to serve it and be around it all day is going to help quite a bit.
 

I am a... Receptionist/Dish Washer/Waitress/Cook/Fiance/Student.... and the list goes on...

So my first day at my third job (can I really call it a third job since its at the same sushi restuarant but just a different title?) didn't go too bad. I was WAY nervous and I did make some mistakes as was expected, nothing major just little things like forgetting to give them their little bowl to pour the soy sauce in and I was late bringing out a families miso soup.

Curtis and I went shopping the day before to get me another pair of black pants and some white button down shirts (the uniform required for the waitressing job). Now I am unfortunately (and I use that term lightly) top heavy so finding ANYTHING that is a button up and fits both my top and my waist is hard to come by. After going to 4 different locations we finally found a whopping TWO tops. Needless to say I will be going back out again after work today to see if I can find like one or two more because I know I am eventually going to stain those shirts badly. I have to say though it was very nice to not have to wash dishes. I helped prep food when I first got there and made some food for myself. They always feed us dinner which I think is very nice of them (and no its never sushi).

I also found out that instead of only getting $20 for the week that I am working I will be getting my regular salary of minimum wage plus 10% tips while training. And while that may sound sarcastic I am thrilled about it. It was a little hard watching the other server (who is an awesome guy) walk away with like $95 worth of tips and me with all of $11 in my hand but everyone has to pay their dues and after 7 days of training I will be making I believe it was 40% in tips. So either way I am a happy camper.

I'm working 7 days a week now. I don't know if they are going to want me to come in  as much as I am on the week of training but if so I am going to be one exhausted kitten. I will be making a decent amount of cash which is great but already not having my one day of the week, Sunday, to myself I felt I was a bit more grouchy then I needed to be to poor Curtis.

Speaking of Curtis, he and I start working together starting Friday... weee... He is still in pain from where they pulled the tooth which has me a little worried and he keeps getting headaches almost every day which REALLY has me worried. He says he is going to go get checked out by his doctor if he can schedule something for Friday morning but both of us are going to be so busy this week and the next couple of weeks that its going to require a LOT of time management to get everything we need done around the house, school and work without driving each other nuts in the mean time. So far he and I have had a very good way about doing this but with these extra jobs and finals are coming soon its really going to get piled on.

I think part of the reason I haven't actually gone partially crazy yet is because of the prozac. I don't know if it is keeping me happier or more calm or what but as long as I get one day off I seem to be okay. I'm hoping that if I do start working 7 days a week regularly my body and mind will just adjust and make it so it doesn't stress me out. I mean people all over the world work 7 days a week so I should be able to with no problem right?

Sleepiness and Boredom

I am sooooooo bored at work! I really need to find something to distract my mind with but with being on the meds concentrating on just about anything is nearly impossible. I just realized this morning as I got to work that oh hey I was supposed to pay the rent... UGH! I called Curtis up like 3 times trying to get a hold of him but of course his phone was on vibrate in his pocket. He took a check over there for us and luckily they were nice enough to not charge us anything extra (this one time).

This is SO unlike me. If there is anything I am good about its paying the bills on time.

I just want to sleep!!!! I mean seriously, just sleep and sleep and sleep. I have been getting a normal 7-8 hours a night so its not like I am missing out but all my body seems to want to do is nap. The only other time I felt like this was when I was actually depressed. But my mood is okay, I still have ups and downs which are normal but the physical feeling is BLAH!

I am of course washing dishes again tonight, and might I add I REALLY don't want to. Its only 7.50 an hour which is basically an extra $30 I know its something and I know I should be grateful that we have this extra bit of income I can make but MAN feeling this tired is not motivating me to just get up put on a happy face and deal with it. Again, I just want to sleep. Like, a LOT. I'm pretty sure I could just crawl under my desk right now and have no problem falling right to sleep.

I can't wait till my next appointment with the psychiatrist I am half hoping she gives me aderall of just something to give me a boost or jolt or something. The anxiety is going away for the most part but this sleepiness is almost intolerable.

Tonight I bump up my meds to 20mg, we'll see if it makes a difference or not, I am just hoping it doesn't make me even more sleepy then I already am because I am just going to have to stop taking the drugs altogether if that happens. 

Anxiety/Prozac/Teeth/Apartment Hunting Update

So its about day 4 on Prozac for me and I haven't really noticed a whole lot of difference other then shear exhaustion.

On Friday I did my normal 8 hour work day and went straight to the sushi restaurant to wash dishes till 10:30pm. Came home pretty tired but the girl I work with at the Sushi restaurant (Kate) had been feeling really down so I invited her over. We had a few shots of rum (I only had about 3) and we ended up staying up till 4:30 am. At some point along that time we made a trip to Wal-Mart and picked up a couple of steaks which tasted quite bad actually and cooked those up on the stove with some mushrooms. Kate's cooking was good just the quality of the meat was bad. Curtis at that point was asleep on the couch so I put him to bed. Kate and I stayed up talking for a bit before she left.

Kate being silly:

The next morning I was tired but slept in some. I can't really remember what all we did that day but I know Curtis had work and so did I at 6pm again washing dishes. I was really exhausted that day too. I went to work and just kind of felt awful. I hurt my back lifting dishes and I had to ask for some motrin and I left my Xanax in my other purse which did not help seeing as my anxiety was flaring up. It seems like on top of making me exhausted the 10 mg last till a little after 8pm and that's it. They sent me home at 10:15 which was normal.

When I got home I just laid on the bed and Curtis being Curtis of course rubbed my back to make it feel better while I was half unconscious after taking a Xanax as soon as I got home. Well my back felt better after a little rubbing and I went to wash the stink of the kitchen off of me. I got out of the shower wrapped my hair up in a towel along with my body and it felt really cold because the fans were blowing (we live in Florida so its already getting to be 80 degrees in the house) so I crawled underneath the quilt on my bed to curl up just for a minute and before I knew it I was OUT, literally like a light. I mean someone flipped the switch and I was dead to the world. I know I pretty much was out like that because when I woke up it was at like god knows what early AM I had taken up the middle of the bed and Curtis was sleeping on my side of the bed half curled up. I was shocked I had just passed out like that. I unwrapped my still damp hair threw both the towels on the floor made Curtis switch spots so we were in our normal positions and just fell right back to sleep. Curtis told me the next day that he was gently shaking me trying to make me get up but that I didn't even respond. Now THAT NEVER happens. If someone so much as touches me for the most part I wake up startled. If Curtis is moving around the bed too much I tend to wake up.

Sunday rolled around took my normal Prozac in the morning and spent the day with Curtis for the most part since he didn't have to work, and neither did I. But again, all day long I was soooo exhausted! It didn't help come Monday I was still just as tired.

So last night we switched it up and I took the Prozac (still only 10 mg) last night. I was still a little tired this morning but not nearly as bad as yesterday however I am feeling a few small waves of anxiety coming around. I am trying to avoid taking a Xanax today if possible, I really don't want to end up getting hooked or something. In a couple of days my dosage will be up to 20 mg so it will hopefully last all day and not make me completely exhausted either. As far as moods go nothing seems to have changed at all really.

On a whole different note, only one week till Curtis sees the dentist! wooo!

On yet another different note:
It looks like our jerk roommate Charlie is going to move in together with his girlfriend and two other friends once the lease is up and I am now thinking about trying to convince them to move into the apartments we are in now so that way Curtis and I can just move out into our own place. A couple of problems arise with that though. One will the apartment complex let us sign our names off the lease and allow the other guys to put their names on it. Two Curtis and I will have to have some money saved up so we can pay the deposit/security/turn the electric on etc. And I REALLY don't want to have to use my damn wedding money for it. Third we need to find a place NOT in the ghetto for around 650-700 dollars that has a washer dryer hook up and is close enough for his work, my work, and his school. He really doesn't like driving long ways which is part of the problem. Oh and of course in the mean time we would have to find time to pack with both of us working and him going to school. So yeah... not sure how great that would work out. What I would really like is to find a house that we could rent but I know that is REALLY stretching it. First and foremost I have to see if the room mate will even go with the idea.

Prozac Day 1

I took my first 10mg pill of Prozac this morning. Nothing really seems different I may be slightly more jittery but then again I also had sugar this morning so its kind of hard to tell if the Prozac is the cause of it. It felt really weird waking up and the first thing on my list of things to do was to take a pill. That is going to take some getting used to. I still have the Xanax on hand if I have a flare up and I ended up taking a whole one (.5 mg) last night and while yes it calmed me down what it mainly did was just make me very sleepy. But, again, that may also be because I had to wake up extra early that morning so its hard to tell.

On another note, I looked at the receipt for the cost my prescriptions and while I know I have really awesome insurance the cost of generic Xanax is ridiculous, but in a GOOD way! the cost for 30 pills was a whopping $2.70!!! Now the Prozac wasn't much more expensive either they were both $6-$7 bucks. I say both because I got two prescriptions for it, one was for a 30 count 10mg dosage and the other was for a 30 count 20mg dosage. Basically after I am on 10mg for a week I switch it up a notch and stay on 20mg after that. *note: my feet are bouncing away as I write this, so maybe it is more then the sugar*

Curtis and I ended up having an argument last night about his job. I really think he needs to look for another job because for the third week in a row they have given him less than 20 hours. He only makes $9 an hour to begin with and while I know the house costs are all taken care of because of the loans from his school, the other costs, like the last month of rent, my credit card we used for his teeth, car insurance, phone, and saving up for the wedding are not covered. Not to mention his loans are going to run out soon which means he will have to get a full time job regardless to be able to pay for the house. I keep sending him some part time positions that he could work and still keep his current job but its like he always comes up with some excuse a to why not to take it. I don't know, maybe I am being too harsh on him. I just have a hard time seeing him move up in that company and I worry that he has become so comfortable there that he is never going to want to leave. 

Therapist M.D. - Prozac & Xanax

This morning was my meeting with the M.D. to see if I would be put on medication for my anxiety. Of course nothing can be done easily, my car ride to Brandon was insane because I am battling with traffic and people are all around trying to kill each other. When I do get there after filling out a couple pages worth of patient information they tell me that I have to be recommended by my primary care physician otherwise they will have to charge me the full amount. Now I do not now nor have I for a while had a primary care physician. I had to call up my insurance company and ask them (after two attempts at getting through to someone) that I am seeing and M.D. Psychiatrist and I do not have a PCP so am I going to get charged, she of course said no and that the co pay was $15. Now I have a bad feeling that this will end up coming back and biting me in the butt and I will end up getting billed for a couple hundred bucks down the road. But what I am hoping is that they recorded the conversation and have it on file, which I know is a long shot.

My appointment was scheduled for 8:45 to meet with the doc (had to be there at 8:15 to fill out paperwork) but of course I had to ask them how much longer it would be once the clock hit 9am. Not even two minutes later the doc poked her head out and I was in the room talking to her.

She seemed very nice caring straight forward asked appropriate questions. (very much NOT like my last visit). I felt pretty comfortable with her. I have another meeting with her in 6 weeks and until then she has prescribed me prozac and xanax as needed.

Now I was suprised about the prescription for Prozac and I didn't really want to be stuck on taking a pill every day but she did mention that it may help me lose weight have more energy in the morning and it will help with anxiety. The bad news is that it takes 6-8 weeks to take effect. I have heard some pretty bad stories about prozac too which is a little scary. For the time being I am just going to see if my attitude changes (for the worse) and let her know what is up.

The xanax I pretty much knew I would be getting. Its mainly there as a "break glass in case of an emergency" if my anxiety start to realy flare up during the day. Again I can deal with having an anxiety attack at home but I am worried like crazy that I will have one at work and they will fire me or something crazy like that.

I am also hoping that either of these medications will allow me to concentrate better at work and motivate me to get my work done. Whether either medication will actually do that is still a mystery.

So far I have taken a half of a xanax just to see how I would feel. (a half of a .5 mg dose) I feel just kind of sleepy like when I don't get enough sleep and my eyes are droopy, thats about it though nothing special or bad.

I just hope in the long run this will straighten me out a bit until the money situation is more under control.