Update

I've been taking my prozac every night and so far I guess its working alright. I am not as exhausted all day and I don't get nearly as irritated as easily as I used to which is a good thing. But the past two days I have not gotten very good sleep at all. Though part of it could be from the crappy weather we have been having. I very rarely ever take the xanax now mainly because it puts me straight to sleep. Its something I will have to discuss with my therapist along with the fact I am taking the prozac at night and that I am worried its going to cause me to gain weight. 

 

Curtis's Dentist is STILL working on his teeth. He has a 4th... or is it 5th... appointment at the end of April. They still have two crowns to do and I think something else but I'm not sure. Luckily all of this is already paid for so outside the cost of gas driving all the way to Tampa all those times its not that bad. 

It also appears that our room mate's friends and girlfriend will NOT be moving into our apartment, allowing Curtis and I to find a new place. Charlie (the room mate) broke up with his girlfriend (or she broke up with him I didn't get all the details) for a 3rd time since they have been dating for 6 months. We'll see if this break up actaully lasts or if its just going to be like all the others and they will just end up back together. Regardless if they do or not one of the guys who would have had to move in with Charlie is against the idea of all of them moving in together, and frankly I can't blame him. But of course that means Curtis and I will be stuck in that house with the room mate till the first of October. *sigh*

The weather has been absolutely horrible the past couple of days. Today we had multiple tornado warnings and I was grateful that my drive to work wasn't too bad and it wasn't pouring down rain (like it is now). All I have to do now is make it back home safely in my tiny little car as I drive across 60 hoping the wind doesn't blow me into the gulf. On the plus side I don't have to drive all the way over to the sushi shop today in this weather. We weren't exactly going to be flocked with customers anyway, though it kind of stinks cause thats hours and tips that I am missing out on. Oh well I will get to wash dishes tomorrow, and hopefully they won't send me home early. 

Speaking of sushi I have been eating it like a crazy person lately. Mainly just salmon avocado rolls but still. Its not exactly cheap, it doesn't help me save for the wedding, its just that its soooo freaking yummy!!! something about the flavor combo of those two things with the rice, seaweed, and then sesame seeds on top that makes it nearly irresistible to me. Nearly being the key word. I will not be partaking in sushi-ness tonight (especially with this weather) and the fact i don't have to serve it and be around it all day is going to help quite a bit.
 

Anxiety/Prozac/Teeth/Apartment Hunting Update

So its about day 4 on Prozac for me and I haven't really noticed a whole lot of difference other then shear exhaustion.

On Friday I did my normal 8 hour work day and went straight to the sushi restaurant to wash dishes till 10:30pm. Came home pretty tired but the girl I work with at the Sushi restaurant (Kate) had been feeling really down so I invited her over. We had a few shots of rum (I only had about 3) and we ended up staying up till 4:30 am. At some point along that time we made a trip to Wal-Mart and picked up a couple of steaks which tasted quite bad actually and cooked those up on the stove with some mushrooms. Kate's cooking was good just the quality of the meat was bad. Curtis at that point was asleep on the couch so I put him to bed. Kate and I stayed up talking for a bit before she left.

Kate being silly:

The next morning I was tired but slept in some. I can't really remember what all we did that day but I know Curtis had work and so did I at 6pm again washing dishes. I was really exhausted that day too. I went to work and just kind of felt awful. I hurt my back lifting dishes and I had to ask for some motrin and I left my Xanax in my other purse which did not help seeing as my anxiety was flaring up. It seems like on top of making me exhausted the 10 mg last till a little after 8pm and that's it. They sent me home at 10:15 which was normal.

When I got home I just laid on the bed and Curtis being Curtis of course rubbed my back to make it feel better while I was half unconscious after taking a Xanax as soon as I got home. Well my back felt better after a little rubbing and I went to wash the stink of the kitchen off of me. I got out of the shower wrapped my hair up in a towel along with my body and it felt really cold because the fans were blowing (we live in Florida so its already getting to be 80 degrees in the house) so I crawled underneath the quilt on my bed to curl up just for a minute and before I knew it I was OUT, literally like a light. I mean someone flipped the switch and I was dead to the world. I know I pretty much was out like that because when I woke up it was at like god knows what early AM I had taken up the middle of the bed and Curtis was sleeping on my side of the bed half curled up. I was shocked I had just passed out like that. I unwrapped my still damp hair threw both the towels on the floor made Curtis switch spots so we were in our normal positions and just fell right back to sleep. Curtis told me the next day that he was gently shaking me trying to make me get up but that I didn't even respond. Now THAT NEVER happens. If someone so much as touches me for the most part I wake up startled. If Curtis is moving around the bed too much I tend to wake up.

Sunday rolled around took my normal Prozac in the morning and spent the day with Curtis for the most part since he didn't have to work, and neither did I. But again, all day long I was soooo exhausted! It didn't help come Monday I was still just as tired.

So last night we switched it up and I took the Prozac (still only 10 mg) last night. I was still a little tired this morning but not nearly as bad as yesterday however I am feeling a few small waves of anxiety coming around. I am trying to avoid taking a Xanax today if possible, I really don't want to end up getting hooked or something. In a couple of days my dosage will be up to 20 mg so it will hopefully last all day and not make me completely exhausted either. As far as moods go nothing seems to have changed at all really.

On a whole different note, only one week till Curtis sees the dentist! wooo!

On yet another different note:
It looks like our jerk roommate Charlie is going to move in together with his girlfriend and two other friends once the lease is up and I am now thinking about trying to convince them to move into the apartments we are in now so that way Curtis and I can just move out into our own place. A couple of problems arise with that though. One will the apartment complex let us sign our names off the lease and allow the other guys to put their names on it. Two Curtis and I will have to have some money saved up so we can pay the deposit/security/turn the electric on etc. And I REALLY don't want to have to use my damn wedding money for it. Third we need to find a place NOT in the ghetto for around 650-700 dollars that has a washer dryer hook up and is close enough for his work, my work, and his school. He really doesn't like driving long ways which is part of the problem. Oh and of course in the mean time we would have to find time to pack with both of us working and him going to school. So yeah... not sure how great that would work out. What I would really like is to find a house that we could rent but I know that is REALLY stretching it. First and foremost I have to see if the room mate will even go with the idea.

My 4 Day Weekend (Day 4)

Monday rolls around...

I was actually supposed to go to school with Curtis all day on Monday but the dentist scheduled me to get my filling done at 2:30 that day and I didn't want to spend the money on gas to drive all the way down to St. Pete and then all the way over to Tampa and only be able to see what two of his classes are like, one of which is not even music related. So I stayed home. I was quite productive though! I made lunch which is a pot roast/pork roast deal.


Now I by no means plan to turn this into a cooking blog but I do want to share this for my own future reference if possibly for anyone else's This makes enough food for about two adults and two kids or three adults. The cost minus the sides is a whopping $8 max. Here is the recipe with pics:

Step 1: Buy pretty much and kind of pork you want from the super market, I bought the Half Fresh Picnic because its only $1.69 a pound right now at Publix. (Buy around 4 or more pounds of it.)

Step 2: Buy this super awesome helper! It has all the seasonings AND a cooking bag which will make the pork ridiculously moist.

Step 3: Cut off any skin excess fat. (do leave some fat on there it will make it more moist)

Do not be afraid of having skin on meat, it cuts off pretty easy and there is great meat below it.

Your finished product should look something like this.

 

After the meat is cooked I scrape the marrow out and put it on fresh bread, it tastes delicious but most people don't know that. Its also super good for you.

 

Step 4: Cut off the extra fat. * Note: If you pull away the fat from the meat while cutting as shown in the picture you are less likely to cut off the meaty parts.

 

 

The directions say add veggies and this and that but all I ever add is the 1/4 cup water and the seasoning and it comes out perfectly.

 

Step 5: Place the meat in the McCormick bag and place in a pan (I just use a brownie pan)

 

 

While the meat is in the bag add in the seasoning and rub all over with your hands. Then add 1/4 cup of water (wash hands after)

 

Step 6: Place in oven on 350 degrees for 2 hours and let it sit for 5 minutes and POOF -> it will look like the above picture.

 

So that is pretty much the gist of it. The prep time can take a little while but if you have a sharp knife (I don't) it goes by pretty quick, I mean just cut it season it and shove it in the oven and leave it there and you have yourself and amazingly fall of the bone lunch/dinner. I also made some Jasmine tea for myself while I was cooking which was just kind of an extra treat for me. 

 

 

After all that was done and over with I headed to the dentist. I was not looking forward to this one bit and while I was glad I only had one filling to take care of  its the dentist. I had them give me nitrous which thank god eased my nerves. Overall it didn't hurt at all there was a slight pinch when they were numbing my gums but that was about it. Even after everything wore off  there was no pain at all. 

That about sums up my weekend though. I was really busy and I kind of wanted more time to relax and just overall time for myself but it will have to wait.

 

Good News - Dentist!

YEAY!!!

So I got off the phone with our dentist after having a long and rather embarrassing talk about how we can pay almost all of the bill up front except for about $320. We have to pay the full $6,767 up front two weeks prior to him receiving the oral care because they are going to sedate him. Now we have scrounged up just about every penny we can muster, including both of our tax returns and we are both selling things on ebay to make up for the last little bit. I have someone who is buying some of my clothes on top of it all. So we are TRYING!

So the lady on the phone said it was okay if we pay the large amount and the last little bit the day of the surgery, so I as SUPER relieved. But THEN! I got a phone call from them and she said she would waive the cost of the sedation!!! I almost jumped through the phone and hugged her. The sedation fee is only $235 but its something! a BIG something! She also told me that Curtis' insurance runs out February 28th, so I don't know what all that is about but I don't want to bug Curtis just right now about it to see what is going on because he has so much on his plate with work and school, especially school.

In the mean time my doctor's appointment is tomorrow and I keep trying to find part time work for Curtis and myself, on top of the jobs we already have. No such luck yet but still this bit of news totally brightened my day!

Money - Dentist

So Curtis is not getting as much money back from his loans as I originally thought.

I asked him the other day if he would mind for us not to get married just yet and pay for his teeth out of pocket. I told him I understand that if getting married is the only way we can fix his teeth that I would understand but I really would like a wedding. So right now we are still not getting married and we are trying to come up with around $6,500 to pay for his teeth. Now I think we are well withing our means to be able to do this its just a matter of how much of it do we want to try and finance and through what company.

I think he should go to our bank at Suntrust and see if he can get a decent sized credit card there that has free interest for like the next 12 months so we can pay the whole thing off before interest hits. Right now he has one card but the limit is a whopping $500 (it actually might be less). My big concern is that he won't be able to get a bigger card because of how little he makes every year. I'm worried the credit card company will not consider his loans as a part of his income. I guess we'll just have to wait and see on that one.


The Dentist also gave us the option of having everything with his teeth fixed in one big swoop and wanted to know if we wanted sedation dentistry. I think its a good idea but then we have to pay up front two weeks in advance, and fill out paper work. Another option is that we just give him nitrous but I am sooo worried about all the pain he is going to be in.


We are going to talk about how all to pay for this, one way or another his is going to get it done even if it means paying out more from my own pocket. What I am really hoping is that they give him a good credit card so he can start building credit, pay it off month by month till is next line of student loans come in, pay of the remainder with the student loans and poof we will not have to worry about the card. The only thing at that point we will have to worry about is how we are going to pay for the rest of his school if he does run out of loans over the next year.

No Wedding for Me

So I decided, on my own, last night that instead of using the money we saved up to have a wedding we should just use all of it to fix Curtis' teeth. I cried a little this morning about it and I am not completely over it but I know its the right thing to do. Curtis' health and well being mean more to me then anything in the long run. We can still have a ceremony later down the line too but I think its going to be a long while before that happens.

I also have a doctors appointment next week Thursday to talk to someone about my anxiety and see if maybe they can give me something for it. I don't really feel like talking about my problems to another person I just want something so I don't feel like I am going to have an anxiety attack every day.


I also had a review today at work and they are happy with me thank god. I always feel like I can do more and no one likes me but I guess I just need to get over that too.

Teeth and Rings

Okay so I am beyond stressed out right now!!! I'm at work and I just want to break down and cry. First off my Ex-Fiance Geoff wants the ring he gave me back (which in a way ins understandable) because he lost his job and now needs to turn it in so they don't come after him for it. I am very sad to lose the ring and it was kind of my only insurance policy in case something terrible happens so I kind of feel like the tiny little cushion I had is now going to disappear.

I know I told him I would give him the ring back if he asked for it and I am going to keep my word but it hurts my feelings too, I know I should be over it and just move on but I had to give up another ring he gave me so we could get this one.

I think for at least a little while he and I won't be speaking. I'm sure he feels bad for having to take the ring back but I don't care. He should have had some money saved up or something in case of an emergency. *sigh* I feel like if one more thing goes wrong today I am going to flip out. I half feel like I should just take the rest of the day off because my nerves are on edge. Its only 10:30 right now and I know I should just hold out as long as I can.

The bigger issue is Curtis' teeth. He finally went to my dentist this morning only to find out that his insurance only covers $500 a year worth of dental work. How much dental work does he need? Oh just over $10,000. He said he is going to go to his bank and see what they can do for him but really its pointless because someone who makes only $9 an hour and works part time is not going to get a loan that freaking big from his bank not without like a 28% interest on it, but really I just don't see the bank giving him the loan. I just have no idea how we are going to afford all this, really we can't. And his poor mouth is going to rot away and are just going to get worse.

Even though he is getting money from his school loans even that is not going to be enough to cover this expense. I feel sick to my stomach thinking about it. And once again I feel like fate is telling me not to have a wedding because I am going to have this enormous bill to pay. I know its not like the bill will be my sole responsibility but I just feel so helpless and I hate that.

I just don't know what we are going to do. Poor Curtis probably feels worse than I do. I know he just wants the problem with his mouth fixed already.

I don't know how much more of this I can handle...