Wellbutrin - Day 1

I visited my therapist yesterday and broke the news to her that I took myself off of the prozac because I started to feel really lethargic and it was making it so I got nothing done around the house or work or anywhere.

We talked for a little bit and after some convincing she decided we should try Wellbutrin because it helped me when I was depressed in the past. It does nothing for anxiety but I still have the xanax in case of emergency. On the plus side its supposed to help me lose weight (yeah right) and is supposed to help me focus better.

Today was my first day on it and for the next three days I am only taking 150mg and after that I bump it up to 300mg.

When I went to the pharmacy they said my insurance company had a little issue with me taking that pill because it is expensive on their end I guess (even though I get the generic) so the pharmacy has to contact my doctor who has to contact my insurance company to explain/convince them I need to take that medicine in particular. If she cannot convince them I will end up not being able to pick up the prescription because we won't be able to afford it.

 

Update

I've been taking my prozac every night and so far I guess its working alright. I am not as exhausted all day and I don't get nearly as irritated as easily as I used to which is a good thing. But the past two days I have not gotten very good sleep at all. Though part of it could be from the crappy weather we have been having. I very rarely ever take the xanax now mainly because it puts me straight to sleep. Its something I will have to discuss with my therapist along with the fact I am taking the prozac at night and that I am worried its going to cause me to gain weight. 

 

Curtis's Dentist is STILL working on his teeth. He has a 4th... or is it 5th... appointment at the end of April. They still have two crowns to do and I think something else but I'm not sure. Luckily all of this is already paid for so outside the cost of gas driving all the way to Tampa all those times its not that bad. 

It also appears that our room mate's friends and girlfriend will NOT be moving into our apartment, allowing Curtis and I to find a new place. Charlie (the room mate) broke up with his girlfriend (or she broke up with him I didn't get all the details) for a 3rd time since they have been dating for 6 months. We'll see if this break up actaully lasts or if its just going to be like all the others and they will just end up back together. Regardless if they do or not one of the guys who would have had to move in with Charlie is against the idea of all of them moving in together, and frankly I can't blame him. But of course that means Curtis and I will be stuck in that house with the room mate till the first of October. *sigh*

The weather has been absolutely horrible the past couple of days. Today we had multiple tornado warnings and I was grateful that my drive to work wasn't too bad and it wasn't pouring down rain (like it is now). All I have to do now is make it back home safely in my tiny little car as I drive across 60 hoping the wind doesn't blow me into the gulf. On the plus side I don't have to drive all the way over to the sushi shop today in this weather. We weren't exactly going to be flocked with customers anyway, though it kind of stinks cause thats hours and tips that I am missing out on. Oh well I will get to wash dishes tomorrow, and hopefully they won't send me home early. 

Speaking of sushi I have been eating it like a crazy person lately. Mainly just salmon avocado rolls but still. Its not exactly cheap, it doesn't help me save for the wedding, its just that its soooo freaking yummy!!! something about the flavor combo of those two things with the rice, seaweed, and then sesame seeds on top that makes it nearly irresistible to me. Nearly being the key word. I will not be partaking in sushi-ness tonight (especially with this weather) and the fact i don't have to serve it and be around it all day is going to help quite a bit.
 

Therapy Session = Bad First Date

Yesterday at 7pm I went in for my first counseling session with a therapist. And lets just say that went TERRIBLY! The guy was nice enough by all means just completely useless as far as my anxiety is concerned. I didn't want to get into my past but I did a little. He asked me some general questions, took some notes, and tried to make me feel comfortable. It just ended up feeling like a bad first date where there was not connection made. He said that I should concentrate on my breathing when the anxiety starts up, breathing from my diaphragm and not my chest and sssslllllllloooooowwwwllllyyy letting it out... I could have looked this up on WebMD! not to mention I was already taking deep breaths when I can, I say when I can because sometimes it gets so bad I can't even catch a full breath.

 His other suggestion to me was to tense a muscle group for a while and then release it and this should help with muscle tone as well as the anxiety... not a terrible suggestion, again one I was already aware of, but if I am tense throughout most of my body to begin with I again don't think that will be too helpful.

And that was it. That is all he suggested for me...

No medication no nothing. On top of it all he also said that he doesn't think he will be seeing me again. Uh... WHAT?!?! He said I have very realistic reasons for having the anxiety I have and I am doing everything in my power to resolve them. I should focus on the fact I have someone wonderful in my life and try to focus on something else when my mind starts to spin about finances. Again, not bad advice just not particularly helpful either.

I just felt at the end of the session that it was just such a waste of my time.

I talked to Justin a little last night and a little more today and he said he would call up his psychiatrist for me along with his therapist and see if maybe they can help. I am really hoping they will be able to.

Therapy Today

So today is my appointment with the therapist. Only 2.5 hours till work day is over and then only 3.5 hours till I go have a chat. *sigh*

I really don't feel like bringing up my past if its possible, which really its not. I just want some medication that will make my anxiety go away for the time being. As soon as I have this money situation more under control it won't be such a big deal. But with teeth, wedding, car, moving, etc. on my brain 24/7 its starting to get to me. I know I shouldn't even be thinking about moving until 2 months before the end of September but its like I can't help myself which is exactly why I want something to calm my brain down a little. My big concern though with taking any medication is that I am going to end up looking acting and feeling like a zombie which for my job is not going to work seeing as they hired me to be "perky".


It looks like we might get even MORE money back from Curtis's insurance plan which is great news but not guaranteed.

I had a long chat about religion with a co-worker which was nice she siad she would keep us in her prayers which I also thought was nice of her to say.

I need to be able to focus more at work. I need to get more work done. 

Therapist - Anxiety

My appointment is set for Thursday with the therapist. I keep thinking, "oh its okay I feel better this week so I can just cancel". In the mean time I am still having to do the - take a deep breath and exhale slowly routine. The more I think about the dentist and my credit cards and Curtis' school costs the more it feels like something is tightening across my chest.

I am still having a horrible time concentrating at work too. I really hope whatever they suggests help. I don't want to go back on Welbutrin XL because I don't really believe that I am depressed. I mean I have bouts of being down but nothing that lasts more then a couple of days and it doesn't come up too often so I think I am okay in that department. I am kind of hoping for some kind of medication I can just take when things feel like they are getting bad and I just need something to relax myself a bit. I don't really know if something like that even exists. I mean I know there is daily medication for that kind of thing but I really don't want to have to take yet another pill (birth control pill is the other pill) every day.

I keep thinking maybe I should cancel or just not show up but the appointment will only be $15 and if I can get them to prescribe me something quickly I think it wouldn't be so bad. That is probably not a good way to look at it but oh well.

For now I am just going to focus on keeping my appointment and hopefully nothing will sway me for actually going to it this time.