*Face Palm* - Puffy Sleeves?!?!?

So last night I ask my dear and beloved fiance... How do you envision me when you think about me walking down the isle...


Now I'm thinking, he is going to say something like elegant or regal or maybe like a princess...


WRONG!


You wanna know what he said?


He said something along the lines of wearing white (okay we're good so far) and with puffy sleeves....


Wait... What??? puffy... huh? My brain at this point was confused as to what just tumbled out of his mouth. Of all the things he could have said of all the options in the world a person can think of when thinking of their bride to be he says (with a straight face!) puffy sleeves!!!

So I start wondering to myself... does he think this is the 80's? Am I supposed to be covered from head to toe in some horrible polyester wedding gown with giant puffy sleeves like kid's floaties when they go swimming?

All I could say to him after my brain exploded a little was... really?... and he just said yeah...


Now to be fair, (honey I know you are reading this and yes I will want an explanation later) he probably meant something like this:

But even still, that is SO not me. So far all the dresses I have been looking at have lace and beading some have a corset back with no sleeves no straps even. I have even looked at halter dresses but my boobs generally won't fit so there goes that idea...


Of all the things he could say... puffy sleeves...

I am Freaking Brilliant! - White Guitar

 
So I just realized I am freaking brilliant... okay maybe not so much brilliant as creative/clever. I have been trying to figure out how to incorporate my fiance's silly musical geeky side into the wedding (I want a bit of a more traditional wedding). And at first I was thinking OH maybe a Super Mario Guest book that everyone could sign. Well after looking around a bit I couldn't find one (this would be a great way to make money by the way if anyone is interested).

So then I thought well I can get more of his musical side to show in the wedding... and THAT'S when it hit me! Why not get a white guitar that everyone can sign and we can just hang up in the house. I mean we have 5 guitars in the house as it is whats one more that we can put out for display right? I hope this idea goes off without a hitch. I already ordered the guitar off of ebay (only $34!) so it is on its way.

Just another small step in getting everything ready for this wedding taken care of... now what else can I take care of on the list....

Holy Hot Popsicle Sticks Batman, That's a Lot of Money.

So out of nowhere a friend of Curtis' (Charles) who I have met twice gave us our wedding/Christmas present early. As I am sure you can guess by the picture it was cash. a LOT of cash, like I just pooped my pants that a lot of cash to give to someone who you have only met twice.


Charles gave Curtis and I $1,300!!!


Now I am sure that may not be a lot of money to everyone but no one, and I mean NO ONE, has ever given me that much money in one sitting. The most cash I think I have ever gotten was $1,000 and that was from my father the first time I saw him in 12 years for college. And while yes I have gotten presents that were more then that amount its still a shocker. Mainly because I have only met this guy twice. He is a great guy funny and sweet and a dork of course cause that's the kind of people we hang out with but it really took me by surprise. He handed me the envelope with the money in it and I thought awesome maybe one or two hundred bucks, that will come in SUPER handy. I asked Curtis to take the money because I was at lunch at the time not knowing just how much was in there.

While I did say thank you at lunch the next time I see him I am going to give him a huge hug and thank him again. I just really don't know what else to say to his generosity.


This means that Curtis and I are only about $750 away from our goal! Which by October should be totally doable. I am just now scared to death because I am starting to wonder what will go wrong.

Bye Bye Prozac

So a couple of days ago I decided to take myself off of Prozac. Why? Because while I hate feeling jittery and anxious it makes me feel a lot better then being depressed. I noticed that I had started to become incredibly lethargic. I mean I didn't want to do ANYTHING. I just wanted to sleep I wasn't interested in anything and all together just felt like poo.

I am now practically bouncing around by my cubicle, still not getting any actual work done (which will eventually come and bite me in the rear) but I feel better and as far as my personal life is concerned (the wedding) I am being far more productive. So much so I found two dresses I actually sorta like but am still hoping to find something better.

One of my coworkers even offered to come with me to a bridal show on Sunday if Curtis couldn't make it because of work. 

Speaking of work they just called me to tell me I won't need to come in today. It kind of sucks though cause it means less money in the wedding fund which has me a little worried. We have soooo close to $2,000 saved and that means just another $2,000 to go to have a nice small wedding.

I am kind of nervous as to what my therapist has to say about e taking myself off the Prozac but oh well I rather feel jittery then depressed any day. I am also currently not on birth control just because I haven't went and picked up my prescription yet and in a way it feels kind of nice to not have to pop a pill every day.
 

Wedding Shoes

So I guess I kinda found a dress I like. Everyone says I look good in it my mother said it best when she said you want to hear "wow she looks great in that dress" instead of "wow that dress looks great on her"... really I think in the end its the same thing but whatever. My only concern, as always, is that I will one find a cheaper dress or two I will find a better dress or even worse, I will find the dress I really want but can't afford.


But I digress...

 I was thinking that for my "something blue" I would wear blue shoes. This way I won't have to worry about the shoes color matching exactly with the dress color. Well with my mouse in hand I stumbled upon this...

 and I start to wonder to myself... maybe that would just be a little too much... maybe... and god forbid the lace get stuck on one of those bad boys and I land face first down the isle.

Wedding Woes

So after asking my dear and beloved Fiance for the past FIVE FREAKING WEEKS to email a guy he knows who MIGHT be able to get us a good deal on a venue for the wedding he finally sent the email today. His reasoning for not sending it before? He was busy. Now I will grant him that, yes, we have both had a very hectic schedule over this past semester. BUT if  you have time to update facebook and read my blog then you freaking have time to send a five minute (if not less) email! Ugh!

 

I have been putting away every freaking dime I have for this wedding from my dish washing/waitressing job at the restuarant and I know money is tight for him right now so I'm not mad about him not being able to contribute as much but could you at least be slightly more involved in the planning of the wedding. 

I don't have my maid of honor around, she is in Boston. My mom won't come and visit me in Florida because she thinks we will just argue about the dress. The two girls that did volunteer to help me dress shop once slept with my current fiance and the other doesn't know that I know she is sleeping with my ex fiance. I have all of one day a week off from work which is the same day the majority of the wedding dress places are closed. If I do buy a dress its going to take 4-6 months to arrive and the wedding is now scheduled for October so I need to make a decision soon. A huge problem with this is that I actually found the wedding dress I want badly but the freaking thing costs almost $1,600 and the total amount we plan on spending on the wedding is $4,000 if we can help it. But once my mind is made up its going to be damn hard to change it.  I have looked on all the discount wedding dress stores online and NO ONE is selling that dress for cheaper. 

I have scoured for venues and for caterers and have looked at wedding cakes, and I can't make up my mind on any of it because the budget of the wedding is so up in the air. I don't know if we will have $4,000 in time for the wedding. I am saving about 400-500 a month but then the sushi place ends up being slow and I bring home less than that. 

I am so close to just saying screw it and just going to the court house but damn it all I want that wedding dress and I freaking WANT to walk down the isle and I want pictures and I want everyone in the world I know to see it. 

What else is bugging me about the dress is that I know that I am going to need to lose weight before the wedding so if I get a dress that fits me now it may not fit me in time for the wedding. So then what the freak do I do? Spend another couple hundred so I can have it altered again. yeah... great... 

Sorry about all the complaining folks but I just needed to get that off my chest.

No Job/Wedding/Graduation/Flowers

Well it looks like I probably didn't get the behavioral tech job. It is now Wednesday and I sent them an email last night asking if the position is still open. I haven't heard anything back but I am guessing they decided to go with another candidate. I'm not too upset but just a little sad I didn't get the chance to work there. This at least means though that my weekends will still be somewhat free and I can sometime in the near future take a little vacation with Curtis. We are hoping to go to Cocoa Beach and Cape Canaveral area to see the Kennedy Space Center. I have been saving up and I want to get a hotel on the beach even if it is not an ocean view. The problem there comes in that it is so expensive. I want to try and keep the cost of the hotel to be around 60 bucks and with it being this time of the year that is going to be difficult.

Tomorrow night my best friend flies in from Boston then she, myself, her mom and two brothers who are staying at my place for the night are all going to drive to Tallahassee for her graduation. She is getting her masters in Child Psychology. I can't wait to see her. Its been almost a year I think since the last time I saw her and this will also be the first time she meets Curtis. Granted it will be a short meeting because all of us have to get some rest before the drive. I also hope our room mate will just go to bed and not wonder in and out of the house and keep them awake since they will be sleeping on the couch.

I keep thinking about moving the wedding day up to August 8th which is a Monday but I don't know if we are going to have enough money saved up by then to actually have a nice wedding. The little Hungarian church is a good idea but I don't know if there would be enough room for everyone to dance and eat etc. They also said they would cater but I would prefer a sit down dinner for the wedding. Another girl from the restuarant may also be going on vacation that same weekend on top of everything else so that may not work out either. I guess part of me is just sick of waiting. But once I start adding everything up in my head as far as dress tux cake food etc. I have to admit to myself that its just not enough money yet. Curtis mentioned doing a pot-luck dinner thing but that just seems so cheap and cheesy to me.

As you can tell from the pictures above my little garden is growing big time. The radish are growing the fastest (the one in the first and second picture) and the squash I planted with the radish are really starting to grow (they are the two plants that are taller and have thicker stems then the radish). My flowers in the little blue pots are growing pretty quickly too but not as fast as some of the other items.

I am getting so into this planting thing that I actually bought more planters, the last picture the light blue one in the corner is going to be the biggest challenge seeing as they are cherry tomato plants and from what I have heard they are some of the hardest things to grow.

The red pot (which yes is actually one kids use to make sand castles) has carrot seeds and I have two other big plastic bowls (again not really meant for planting things but work just as well and are only $1 at walmart) one is growing poppy flowers (which I love but apparently take 180-300 days to grow) and the other has snap dragons which I have always loved since I was a kid in Hungary.

Hopefully everything will bloom, and bloom before we move so it will be easier to move the potted plants. I'm keeping my fingers crossed and a green thumb up in the air.

CHA-CHING!!!

Yesterday was my first official day of waitressing and getting my full 40% of tips for the night (while training I was only getting 10%) and talk about a difference! I mean WOW! So we had 4 guys from the New Jersey Nets come in and order a TON of sushi (they were big guys though so thats to be expected) well they also graciously left a HUGE tip! I was ecstatic. Not to mention I have never been that close to a real athlete before. I was pouring it on a little thick but I guess it worked. They ended up tipping me and the sushi bar. We later that night had three Hungarian girls come in with their two guys friends. They are the dentist to Mike so they got a free meal but they too left a great tip. Plus it was really good to chat with them. I kind of got in trouble at the end of the night because I kind of got in trouble at the end of the night because of it but I still say it was worth it. The only thing that's really been a problem for me at the restaurant is that I HATE, and I don't use that word lightly, HATE vacuuming.

For some reason I am always stuck between the two of us, being the one that vacuums. I mean the area to vacuum isn't even all that large or anything its just that I freaking hate vacuuming. All things considered though I guess its not that bad. And again the tips were freaking amazing last night. I am actually getting off of job one early so I can help out more today since we are expecting to be even more busy then we were yesterday. In total I walked out last night with $98 in cash in my purse. I am hoping I walk out with just as much tonight if not more. Granted I will only be waitressing one day a week on average unless someone calls in sick or needs a day off but still that's an extra $100 bucks in my pocket if the day is good on top of my minimum wage salary AND all pretty much tax free. ^-^ That actaully ends up coming out to more then I am making right now at job 1 which is a little scary. Though with benefits and days off job one wins hands down.

Money - Dentist

So Curtis is not getting as much money back from his loans as I originally thought.

I asked him the other day if he would mind for us not to get married just yet and pay for his teeth out of pocket. I told him I understand that if getting married is the only way we can fix his teeth that I would understand but I really would like a wedding. So right now we are still not getting married and we are trying to come up with around $6,500 to pay for his teeth. Now I think we are well withing our means to be able to do this its just a matter of how much of it do we want to try and finance and through what company.

I think he should go to our bank at Suntrust and see if he can get a decent sized credit card there that has free interest for like the next 12 months so we can pay the whole thing off before interest hits. Right now he has one card but the limit is a whopping $500 (it actually might be less). My big concern is that he won't be able to get a bigger card because of how little he makes every year. I'm worried the credit card company will not consider his loans as a part of his income. I guess we'll just have to wait and see on that one.


The Dentist also gave us the option of having everything with his teeth fixed in one big swoop and wanted to know if we wanted sedation dentistry. I think its a good idea but then we have to pay up front two weeks in advance, and fill out paper work. Another option is that we just give him nitrous but I am sooo worried about all the pain he is going to be in.


We are going to talk about how all to pay for this, one way or another his is going to get it done even if it means paying out more from my own pocket. What I am really hoping is that they give him a good credit card so he can start building credit, pay it off month by month till is next line of student loans come in, pay of the remainder with the student loans and poof we will not have to worry about the card. The only thing at that point we will have to worry about is how we are going to pay for the rest of his school if he does run out of loans over the next year.

No Wedding for Me

So I decided, on my own, last night that instead of using the money we saved up to have a wedding we should just use all of it to fix Curtis' teeth. I cried a little this morning about it and I am not completely over it but I know its the right thing to do. Curtis' health and well being mean more to me then anything in the long run. We can still have a ceremony later down the line too but I think its going to be a long while before that happens.

I also have a doctors appointment next week Thursday to talk to someone about my anxiety and see if maybe they can give me something for it. I don't really feel like talking about my problems to another person I just want something so I don't feel like I am going to have an anxiety attack every day.


I also had a review today at work and they are happy with me thank god. I always feel like I can do more and no one likes me but I guess I just need to get over that too.

Lost it Last Night

So last night I kind of lost it, BIG TIME! As soon as I got home Curtis was leaving to go to work (not uncommon) we kiss and say our goodbyes and 2 minutes later he walks back into the house. His car battery just died... so my brain goes in two directions, oh good god we just spend almost $1500 last month fixing the car what could it possibly be now and the other one was okay I have to take him to work because he is already running late. Well the take him to work part of my brain took over and I grabbed everything and dropped him off. Everything was honky-dorey. So I am driving back home not really thinking about the car just that, boo, I will have to go out again at 9:30 to pick him up and I am no longer in any kind of a mood to cook. Luckily I had half a wrap and some chili left over from lunch so Curtis would have something to eat when he comes home.

So I go and pick Curtis up from work (in the mean time I made brownies but they didn't turn out all that tasty). So I'm waiting, still keeping in mind that the car is dead but its just not really hitting me yet. We drive home and as soon as we pull up next to his car and I realize that instead of going upstairs I have to be down here giving his car a jump hoping and praying that it will start.  <--- Right around there is where I start losing it.

My brain then decides to go into overdrive again with money issues. Like how Curtis never has a set amount of hours at work so we never have a set amount of money coming in each week, how his job, after school is over, is going to be just like that, him working on one project then another, and in the mean time me praying that we have enough money between projects to pay for all the bills. My brain then jumps over to holy crap I don't want to raise kids who are going to end up hearing about me always worried if the next dollar is coming in because dad can't get a gig right now or will he be able to find part time work in the mean time. Then it goes to since Curtis and I have met nothing involving money has been stable, there is always something new popping up. After that all I could think about is how fate/god/whatever doesn't want me to marry Curtis and that's why things keep popping up, so we will never have enough money for a wedding.

So as all this is going on Curtis is jumping the car I refuse to open my car door to listen to him and I all together just don't want to listen, see or have anything to do with him. I throw a tantrum for pretty much the rest of the night. I refuse to tell him what is wrong but I do tell him hits nothing he did. I tell him to go upstairs and eat dinner and I sit in my car just crying a little. I feel like the only stability we are ever going to have is going to come from me and that I have to work even harder to make sure everything and everyone is taken care of. Its just getting so tiresome for me, I should be able to count on him for some kind of stability in the future.

I do finally tell him that I don't think we have any stability in the relationship and that I am worried we never have and never will. I know its not like he can snap his fingers and make everything better but I just kept thinking to myself life shouldn't be this hard ALL the time. I'm 26 years old and I have what feels like no stability in my life, just chaos.

I end up going to bed upset and he and I talk a little bit more but not much really, I ask him not to touch me because I am warm (which was only half true). I always try and think of something positive even if things seem like they are never going to rise up out of the gutter. So I think really hard to myself if I can just think of one stable thing that is there since we started dating it wouldn't all be that bad. So I think and it hits me that really the only thing there is is the love we have for one another, I know its never faltered on my end and I am pretty sure it never has on his either since the day we met. I am trying to hold on to that little bit of stability but its hard. I think he is crying but I'm too tired to deal with it and I just keep trying to fall asleep.

I wake up around 6am-ish (a normal thing for me) turn to him and cuddle him for a while. My brain has finally stopped going into over drive. I tell him I love him he says it back and I turn around and get a little bit more sleep before I have to be up at 7:30am and start getting ready for work.

By the time both of us are up last night is in the past and I have moved on, I am just hoping he did the same too.

Debt and Anxiety

This seems to keep happening to me at least once a week...

I sit down and start counting my nickles and dimes (okay mainly pennies) and it just doesn't add up. I have to pay off my two credit cards before Curtis no longer gets loans from school in which case he will have no way to pay for rent, I have to try and save $4,000-$5,000 for a wedding I would like to have sometime this year, and I need another $10,000 to fix curtis' teeth.

Now the credit cards aren't be cause I am some irresponsible slob, I owe about $9,500 total, one card was used to pay for things during my time in college and the other help pay for my gastric bypass. I have been paying slightly over the minimum on each since I have gotten the cards but stupid me keeps buying things here and there like gas for the car or a pizza. I think I am going to have to take the plunge and cut up both of the cards. Now if I continue making the same payments as I am now I will have both cards paid off in about 5 or so years... that is not in time before Curtis runs out of money. I am currently paying $160 a month on one card and $130 on another if I can reduce my monthly bill by 300 bucks I think I would be able to carry a small apartment for the both of us if Curtis can't find a full time job right away.

We are moving out of the apartments we are in at the beginning of October so yes we are WAYS off from that but I also know that Curtis has the rent paid up until that time.

So the goal is to find an apartment that can fit all of Curtis's stuff and my clothes and is in a somewhat decent neighborhood not too far away from his school or work (I work in Tampa so it doesn't much matter) all for around $650 bucks... Now I know I can get an apartment for that amount. I know I can get an apartment for that amount and have it be a good size, I am NOT sure if I can find an apartment (or house but that is pushing it) for that amount that size and in a good neighborhood. I know no matter what the apartments will not be as nice as the ones we are in now but I do NOT want to live in the ghetto. I don't want to live there because 1) its the ghetto and 2) I know I will just want to move again in a year which I really want to stop doing. (I moved almost every year since I've come down to Florida and I have been here since the 3rd grade).

Now the wedding is partially paid for, we have about $2,000 saved up, or we will by the end of this month. I applied to a telemarketing part-time position (YUCK) but I haven't heard back from them as of yet. So we will see if that pans out at all.

As far as Curtis' teeth go I think he will have to end up going to a dental school and have it done little by little because I just don't think I can handle getting into even more debt at this point.

If I could just get rid of my car too that would help. I have a 2010 Toyota Yaris that I am paying $280 a month on and another $172 for insurance.

There has got to be a way to do this I just need to figure it out. Until then my anxiety levels have been sky rocketing. I am not as sweet to  Curtis who doesn't deserve me being like that and I just overall feel depressed. Now this mood comes and goes but I am tired of it popping up almost once a week to two weeks. I just need to figure out how to make more money and make it VERY quickly. Or at least within the next few month.

Selling Clothes , Transformers, and dealing with Taxes

So the girl who is banging my ex-fiance and is married but in an open marriage came over tonight to go through my closet and see if she wanted to buy any clothes. Granted I did invite her over myself so I shouldn't be too upset but the whole things still felt weird to me. I don't know if she knows that I know about her and Geoff's relationship or not, but whatever. I sold all the clothes at a very low and reasonable price. She only gave me $30 and still owes me another $125 but I know where she lives so I am not too worried about it.

My sales on eBay are doing great I am jut worried because now I can't seem to find the paper with the code on it for the amazon gift card. Curtis is at GameStop working right now so I don't want to bug him. He has been selling Transformers online right now and so far he has sold 3 but all for a very good price. I bought another ring set off of EBay which I am going to see if I can pawn for more then what I paid for it and see if I can sell Geoff's ring while I am at it.

In a strange way I wonder if Geoff is actually who is going to be paying for the clothes and he is just having Nici pick them up, but to be honest I don't think Nici is all that clever. 

No matter what we have a way of income headed towards us.

 I did my taxes today too and oh my god that turned out terrible. I thought I was going to get a ton of money back but it ended up that I only got back $520 bucks. Thank god Curtis got back over $2,000 which is all going towards the wedding which at the rate we are going is actually going to be paid for. I just need to make sure I can keep up the selling and saving and everything else.

Tonight we are supposed to be going to party, I'm not really in the mood but its free and it means we get to go out without spending a bunch of cash. I just want to sleep and not really deal with things but I know right now its not an option.

I just hope we can keep rolling the money in like we have been.

I'm Just Not that Into... Anything Really...

  So I have been going through blog posts to see if I can add more people to read their blog and I have noticed that there are SOOOO many people on here that have religious blogs, and biking blogs, and sewing, and family, and photography, and yadda yadda insert interest here.

I have known for a long time I don't really have a "thing" I don't have a favorite food, or drink, song, band, brand, nothing really. My favorite color is yellow, and I have two favorite flowers orchids and roses, but that's about it. I don't have anything that I am obsessed with. I mean I have some simple interests like embroidery, ebay, coloring simple pictures to relax, but nothing that I could ever see submerging into completely. Its just not really me. I haven't done it with school for years, I didn't do it with most of my relationships, the present and past couple excluded of course. I'm just not that into anything.

So I have been thinking about this for a while and I think when the time comes what I am going to really be into, is my kids. My husband, my family.

I didn't grow up with a big family and its not going get much bigger with the addition of Curtis and kids but they are not really going to have any granparents except my mom and possible his mom for a while if she can jus stay healthy, but with it only being my mom and I for the longest time its like my family is going to triple if not quadruple in size.

I can just see myself getting into my family, baking cookies for school functions, getting them dressed in the morning, soccer practice, karate practice, ballet. I can't wait to start that part of my life! Okay so I CAN wait, I have to wait but man am I ready!, psychologically at least.

Sweet Thoughtfullness

So yesterday after an absolute nightmare of a day (read blog below this one) I come home do my usual searches online, see how my ebay sales are going, and wait for Curtis to come home from work. He is usually home by 9:30pm sometimes a little later depending on what all has to get done in the store. So I make a quick dinner for the two of us and wait patiently.

When he finally does come home all it takes is one look at his face and I know the day has been just as hard on him as it was for me. I do my usual routine of how was your day yadda yadda and I ask him if he had time to stop by his step-fathers. The reason I ask this is because his step dad is a jeweler and we found a one carat princess cut very clean diamond at his shop, the best part though is that he is selling it to us for ONLY $1,000 which when it comes to diamonds of that quality it is hard to get. My only concern with the ring is that the band is very thin and I worry about damaging it. We have looked at other bands and different settings and there is one setting I absolutely adore but it has more diamonds to it and it means its going to cost more money. So no matter what though I am going to LOVE that ring!

Okay okay so I ask him if he stopped by his step dad's because he needed to tell him to hold the ring for us and me being me I was very scared someone else might pick it up before we got it and he refused to leave a message with his step dad's mother-in-law. So he goes to tell me that YES he did stop by and not only that but he also put a down payment of $100 on the ring. Now at this point I am like HUH?!?!? Where did you get that money?!?!? (I know every dime that comes in and goes out of our house so it go me worried a little). Well he goes on to tell he sold the wedding bands from his prior marriage (which ended 4 and a half years ago).

I was in absolute shock, we are talking mouth open wide. I at no point asked him to get rid of the rings and I know it meant a lot to him to still have it. He actually made those bands himself when he was working with his step dad in the jewelry shop. I asked him why he did it and he said it was time to let go. I told him he didn't have to do that and he said, yes, I did. At this point I had tears in my eyes because yet again he proved to me how much I mean to him and how much he wants our life together to progress.

I am so lucky to have found a man like him. I have to keep in mind every day that no matter what struggles we are going to face in the future and I have no doubt that there will be plenty, we will get through it together.

I still can't believe he actually gave up the rings. I do have to admit it made me very happy in a sort of selfish way but he came to the decision on his own and that's what really makes the act so meaningful to me.

Stresses, Dresses

So I think I'm starting to take my stress out on Curtis because of the lack of money we have for the wedding. Poor guy I know he is trying but its like I just can't be satisfied. He is selling his Transformers and what not but then he goes and buys a book he will not need until next semester. I know he says he is doing it to get a head start but really I think he could be getting a much better deal on all of his books if he bought it a little later and ANYWHERE else besides the school book store. In the mean time I feel like the bad guy because lately its like I have been bitching at him about every little red cent he spends.

Really I think he needs to get a different job that is more pay and has a set amount of hours. At least that way we know exactly how much money is coming in for every pay check and there isn't this oh god am I going to get 10 hours next week or 25... And I know the hours are not his fault but still I just feel like he needs to let go of GameStop and see if maybe there are better opportunities out there for him.

I really do feel like a whiny brat.

I am trying to get a part time job to pay for everything in the mean time but really I just want to be lazy. Something needs to light a fire under my butt too and get going with my ebay sales god only knows those clothes will not be in style forever and some I probably already just need to get rid of. I just can't seem to get motivated about anything lately, and I don't know why. I'm not sure if its just because things look bleak or if its because I am worried I will lose my job and I know I will need to sell my clothes at that time for collateral or what.

On top of everything else my mother has been no help at all with the wedding. I tried to call her on her birthday and the next day but no such luck. I didn't have the money to send her flowers so I don't know if she is pissed, I guess I could have sent her a card I, again was just being lazy about it.

On a more positive note, I found a dress I like and a couple of webistes that are willing to sell the dress for like 80% less than the retail cost which is $2,145.

A picture of the dress can be found here:
http://www.demetriosbride.com/us/index.php?page=collection_ilissa&styleID=2644

and a much cheaper place to buy the dress can be found here:
http://www.dresstimes.com/home.php

Another place I want to check out more dresses is here:
http://www.preownedweddingdresses.com/