No Friends - At Work

The above picture states it pretty clearly. I have no friends at work, I mean NONE. We have around 30+ people working in this office and I have yet to really have an ongoing conversation with any of them. I pretty much get ignored all day. The worst part is that I have tried! I mean I have really tried to be outgoing and friendly and strike up conversation, I have even tried it with people not in this office but in the same office building and NOTHING. 


Today I was mentioning how I kept having to call the soda to make sure our order is in and I guess my one co-worker took it as a complaint because she said well I guess you will have to stay more on top of it and order what you think we will need... okay thanks I guess... Except that there is no rhyme or reason to how the sodas are drank. If I end up ordering too many then we have no where to put them and i get told to put them away, but uh... THERE IS NO WHERE TO PUT THEM. *sigh*


I'm just sad I have no one to talk to... ever. I really wish I could just make one friend here at work. Someone who I can tell about my weekend to and they can tell me how their life is going... it would be nice... I feel like crying... but I can't... why? Because I'm at work!

Working - A LOT

I have been working a ton this week. Since Tuesday I have spent every night working at the Sushi Restaurant till a little after 9. My day at my first job starts at 8:30 and I wake up around 7am. I was supposed to have the day off Wednesday (at the second job not the first one) and since Curtis and I both had the day off we though hey since we have that groupon to the restaurant I work at lets go and have a nice dinner and we do! but about 10 minutes after we leave I get a call if I can come in and work at the register. The funny part about this is that I asked before I left if they needed help. Of course the two waiters up front said YES! but the boss lady in the back (the wife of the owner) said no its okay its not too busy (the place was almost packed). So I drop Curtis off at a book store and I go in and finally leave at 9:15 to pick up Curtis and to go grocery shopping. 


At the grocery store I quickly pull into my parking spot and this guy next to me bang his door into my car because he lets it swing WIDE open. Then the guy has the nerve to say slow down!... if I would have pulled into that spot slower he would no longer have a driver's side door. 


I will be working every day this week and even though I will have Curtis relieve me after work on Sunday around 6:30-7pm (if he is working at gamestop that day) I have a strong feeling they are going to ask me to stay and . I guess I shouldn't be so worried about making it to goal for the wedding, though really this still isn't enough money in the long run, we still have to save extra money for the DJ (a friend of Curtis' who I really hope knows what he is doing) and extra money maybe depending on how much the church will cost us (if they are even going to let us do it there, which I should find out this Sunday if the guy is back). 


Okay I am rambling... case and point, I am working a lot this week and I will be next week and I am trired.

*Grumble* Stupid Freaking Diet *Grumble*

I'm weak... very weak... when it comes to sweets. I have been "off" my diet for like 5 days now, not really saying screw it to the whole thing but basically eating sweets on top of my normal healthy eating. 


So far I have gained back 1.5 pounds after consuming almost a half a dozen cookies yesterday and finishing the day of with two taco supremes from Taco Bell *gag*. Now I know that 1.5 pounds is not a huge deal but then again  this morning I went down stairs for breakfast instead of eating my greek yogurt like I am supposed to. What did I get? a ham and cheese croissant AND a twix (even though I promised Curtis no sweets for the next two days). In all this just means I will be end up gaining weight again tomorrow morning. I could just go work out and work all of it off but I may end up having to work at the restaurant tonight and realistically I freaking HATE working out. 


I just wish I knew what was wrong with me! Every time I step on the scale and gain weight from not eating right I feel so bad I end up eating more and the cycle just keeps going. To top it off we have a birthday in the office tomorrow and the day after which means I will have a cookie cake in front of me one day and another cake in front of me Thursday. The best I can really hope for is that since everyone will be watching I will be to embarrassed to eat it because I told everyone I am on this diet. Its not even like I can excuse myself from the celebrations because I am the one who has to pick up the cakes whenever we have a birthday in the office. so... UGH!


At this point what I am hoping for is that I can just stick to my diet for the rest of the day and maybe tomorrow and if I do get called in that I can possibly work off what I ate from running around in the kitchen. 


Another sad part of all of this is that I think I partially did it because there is a girl down stairs in the cafe that is always nice to me and talks to me and asks me questions about myself. I don't know if I have mentioned this (though I am sure I have) but pretty much no one at work talks to me... like ever... At best they will ask me to do something for them or ask me about my weekend just so they can tell me about theirs. Then if I do try and strike up conversation with others I just feel like I am annoying them and at points they don't even bother so much as to raise their head or turn around to face me. *sigh* I guess its just been an all around frustrating week in general. 

Goodbye 10 Pounds I Hope to Never See You Again!

WOOT I have officially lost just over 10 pounds! A big thanks goes out to my soon to be hubby who has sacrificed his pizza and ice cream cravings so I will stick to my diet and keeping me strong when I want to down a dozen cookies. Also thank you Charlie my room mate for making me go on walks after work even though I really don't want to. And lastly a thank you to my co-worker Kate who will now be my travel buddy on Mondays (Hopefully). Oh and really I guess there is one more thank you, I thank myself for keeping on this diet for once and doing a good job of it and even though I end up eating something I shouldn't I don't completely fall to pieces I pick my butt up and try again the next day. 


I am still 12 pounds away from my first goal and I hope to reach (maybe even surpass that) by the day of my wedding October 10, 2011. 


Oh and in case anyone who reads this doesn't think losing 10 pounds is a big deal, go to the supermarket and pick up a 10 pound bag of dog food and start carrying it around with you while you shop, NEVER letting go of it. 


And for the other of you who might be wondering what this diet is, its VERY simple. I eat foods that have a 2/1 ratio between protein and carbs. I try to make sure its 2/1 every meal but if not I try and make it like that by the end of the day. So basically if there are 6 grams of carbs in what you are eating there should be 12 grams of protein. What do I normally eat? Greek yogurt (check the nutrition facts though some are not as healthy as you might think) 2% milk, low fat string cheese, the little tuna in a can with crackers snack, chicken breast, sea food, sushi (sashimi style) miso soup, and well there are a lot of things out there. Most fruits have too many carbs and no protein along with most veggies (exceptions are zucchini, and asparagus to name two). BUT the best part of this diet!!! You get a day off every week! I usually take either Saturday or Sunday and on those days I get to eat whatever I want. (Usually sweets). Now I do gain back like a pound or two after that day but it comes off again throughout the week. 


Hopefully this well help someone. I don't work out much (I am VERY bad about doing so) but I have started walking around the neighborhood and trying to find friends to hang out with. 


So YEAY 10 pounds and hopefully soon YEAY 22 pounds!

A Very Off Putting Weekend... (Just Friends?)

So this weekend was quite the little cluster (insert f-word). Over the weekend it started to dawn on me that lately its been like Curtis and I are just friends. The spark that was between us seemed to have died out and i was left hanging out on the couch with a friend of mine. Now right around this time I just about crapped my pants because I was scared what if we're not IN love anymore? Or more to the point what if HE is not IN love with me? I had no doubt in my mind that yes, we both love each other very much but what the hell is going on that we are just treating and feeling like we are just buddies. 


I brought the subject up to him and he agreed yes he has been feeling like I'm just a friend. As sad as I was to hear that I was glad he was honest with me. That night I kept asking him why do you only see me as a friend? What happened? Can you picture your life without me? Can you picture us just as friends? Do we need to call of the marriage? And so on... A lot of the questions he wasn't able to answer because really he didn't know why this came up like this. 


I started wondering if this is what people call pre-wedding jitters and does this happen to other people. He had to go to work Sunday morning and exhausted at that from staying up most of the night talking about all of this. I did the only thing I could think about doing which was get online and do some research. I know my mom wouldn't understand and my best friend is out climbing a mountain with her dad so I couldn't call her and mainly I didn't want anyone to know that we are having this bump in our relationship so close to the wedding. 


After exploring a number of websites I did find some positive news. We are not the only ones that this happens to! (Thank God) though it is more common to happen with people who are married it is something that happens before the wedding. People tend to grow apart because (and this is entirely true for us) they are both working and don't really have time to see each other and have intimate conversations like they used to. (Please keep in mind that I am paraphrasing). Curtis and I had sort of broken down in communicating. He was bottling up a lot of things that I have told him he is free to talk to me about because (as far as I can tell) he thinks either its really not that important or he doesn't want to start a fight. Now me on the other hand, I was starting to get very annoyed at certain personality quirks he has and I was being harsh and really just kind of rude. 


 I met him for lunch and discussed a little about what I found on the internet and once he came home we talked for pretty much the next three hours. To start our conversation he said that yes he does see me as more than just a friend and that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. :D I breathed a huge sigh of relief at that point We were both at fault for letting the other drift away and I was glad we realized the problem. 


I do think all of this was partly pre-wedding jitters and part busy schedule and another part of communication shutting down. But after that final talk I think its safe to say we are back to our old selves and as always we agreed that no matter what happens in the future we will work out what problems we have an stay together, which really what I think a marriage should be all about, a life long commitment to one another. 

Tons of Updating

Quick Updates:


Our Cocoa Beach vacation and my birthday were awesome. Neither of us got a sunburn because it was mainly rainy the entire weekend but we didn't let that ruin our fun. We checked out the Kennedy Space center and Curtis geeked out while we both walked around everywhere until our feet felt like falling off. We managed to eat an entire lobster which wasn't that good. Went and jumped from the hot tub to the pool to the hot tub again at the hotel. We also somehow ended up with like $50 worth of transformers but the money will get back into our pockets because we are selling half of them.


Fourth of July we watched fireworks and by accident got awesome seats. We had a little cook out of burgers and shrimp skewers. The day after we spent the ENTIRE day at Adventure Island and I got toastier and Curtis got red and is now peeling like and orange. It was exhausting but awesome at the same time. I bought the all day dining deal for the both of us so we just pigged out that whole day. 


My diet is going pretty well I am right on track for my goal but I wouldn't mind if maybe I could be a little ahead of the game, though that would mean I have to get off my butt and work out. 


I STILL do NOT have a dress but I did pick one that my mom is paying for and will be shipped to me sometime in September. I am still looking for another dress just in case because I ordered that dress from China and I'm not sure exactly what it will look like once it gets here. My mom also offered to pay for my invitations and she will pay for her own hair and make-up the day of the wedding. 


Speaking of hair and make-up we went to a bridal show (didn't win anything darn it) BUT we found a tux place AND we found the people that will be doing my hair and make-up! i put down the deposit and they gave me such a good deal I couldn;t pass it up. They also ended up doing a mini trial run with up-dos and I think mine turned out awesome which is one of the main reasons I went with them. Oh and their name is Renee Michelle.