A Very Off Putting Weekend... (Just Friends?)

So this weekend was quite the little cluster (insert f-word). Over the weekend it started to dawn on me that lately its been like Curtis and I are just friends. The spark that was between us seemed to have died out and i was left hanging out on the couch with a friend of mine. Now right around this time I just about crapped my pants because I was scared what if we're not IN love anymore? Or more to the point what if HE is not IN love with me? I had no doubt in my mind that yes, we both love each other very much but what the hell is going on that we are just treating and feeling like we are just buddies. 


I brought the subject up to him and he agreed yes he has been feeling like I'm just a friend. As sad as I was to hear that I was glad he was honest with me. That night I kept asking him why do you only see me as a friend? What happened? Can you picture your life without me? Can you picture us just as friends? Do we need to call of the marriage? And so on... A lot of the questions he wasn't able to answer because really he didn't know why this came up like this. 


I started wondering if this is what people call pre-wedding jitters and does this happen to other people. He had to go to work Sunday morning and exhausted at that from staying up most of the night talking about all of this. I did the only thing I could think about doing which was get online and do some research. I know my mom wouldn't understand and my best friend is out climbing a mountain with her dad so I couldn't call her and mainly I didn't want anyone to know that we are having this bump in our relationship so close to the wedding. 


After exploring a number of websites I did find some positive news. We are not the only ones that this happens to! (Thank God) though it is more common to happen with people who are married it is something that happens before the wedding. People tend to grow apart because (and this is entirely true for us) they are both working and don't really have time to see each other and have intimate conversations like they used to. (Please keep in mind that I am paraphrasing). Curtis and I had sort of broken down in communicating. He was bottling up a lot of things that I have told him he is free to talk to me about because (as far as I can tell) he thinks either its really not that important or he doesn't want to start a fight. Now me on the other hand, I was starting to get very annoyed at certain personality quirks he has and I was being harsh and really just kind of rude. 


 I met him for lunch and discussed a little about what I found on the internet and once he came home we talked for pretty much the next three hours. To start our conversation he said that yes he does see me as more than just a friend and that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. :D I breathed a huge sigh of relief at that point We were both at fault for letting the other drift away and I was glad we realized the problem. 


I do think all of this was partly pre-wedding jitters and part busy schedule and another part of communication shutting down. But after that final talk I think its safe to say we are back to our old selves and as always we agreed that no matter what happens in the future we will work out what problems we have an stay together, which really what I think a marriage should be all about, a life long commitment to one another.