I WANT BABIES!

 

So yeah my internal womanly clock is tick tick ticking away and loudly these days. I want a baby. I know I am not ready yet financially and Curtis and I aren't even married yes (and I will definitely wait at least till we are married) but damn I am so tired of reading about other people getting pregnant and having babies. Okay so maybe I am not sick of it I am just incredibly envious. I want a little bundle of joy all to myself. I know I say that now and its probably going to stress me out more than anything ever has in my whole life but deep down I feel soooo ready for it!

I don't really think Curtis is in the same boat as me when it comes to that though. He wants to finish school first which is going to take a couple of more years (and yes it makes perfect sense for him to finish up before we have a baby). *sigh* 

I think I am just going to post something on facebook to let me see if I can watch someone's kids for a day and maybe that will sway me from wanting them so bad. OR I could just go hang out in the middle of Wal-mart for an hour and I am pretty sure from watching other people's kids my eggs will shrivel up and die.

 

Anxiety/Prozac/Teeth/Apartment Hunting Update

So its about day 4 on Prozac for me and I haven't really noticed a whole lot of difference other then shear exhaustion.

On Friday I did my normal 8 hour work day and went straight to the sushi restaurant to wash dishes till 10:30pm. Came home pretty tired but the girl I work with at the Sushi restaurant (Kate) had been feeling really down so I invited her over. We had a few shots of rum (I only had about 3) and we ended up staying up till 4:30 am. At some point along that time we made a trip to Wal-Mart and picked up a couple of steaks which tasted quite bad actually and cooked those up on the stove with some mushrooms. Kate's cooking was good just the quality of the meat was bad. Curtis at that point was asleep on the couch so I put him to bed. Kate and I stayed up talking for a bit before she left.

Kate being silly:

The next morning I was tired but slept in some. I can't really remember what all we did that day but I know Curtis had work and so did I at 6pm again washing dishes. I was really exhausted that day too. I went to work and just kind of felt awful. I hurt my back lifting dishes and I had to ask for some motrin and I left my Xanax in my other purse which did not help seeing as my anxiety was flaring up. It seems like on top of making me exhausted the 10 mg last till a little after 8pm and that's it. They sent me home at 10:15 which was normal.

When I got home I just laid on the bed and Curtis being Curtis of course rubbed my back to make it feel better while I was half unconscious after taking a Xanax as soon as I got home. Well my back felt better after a little rubbing and I went to wash the stink of the kitchen off of me. I got out of the shower wrapped my hair up in a towel along with my body and it felt really cold because the fans were blowing (we live in Florida so its already getting to be 80 degrees in the house) so I crawled underneath the quilt on my bed to curl up just for a minute and before I knew it I was OUT, literally like a light. I mean someone flipped the switch and I was dead to the world. I know I pretty much was out like that because when I woke up it was at like god knows what early AM I had taken up the middle of the bed and Curtis was sleeping on my side of the bed half curled up. I was shocked I had just passed out like that. I unwrapped my still damp hair threw both the towels on the floor made Curtis switch spots so we were in our normal positions and just fell right back to sleep. Curtis told me the next day that he was gently shaking me trying to make me get up but that I didn't even respond. Now THAT NEVER happens. If someone so much as touches me for the most part I wake up startled. If Curtis is moving around the bed too much I tend to wake up.

Sunday rolled around took my normal Prozac in the morning and spent the day with Curtis for the most part since he didn't have to work, and neither did I. But again, all day long I was soooo exhausted! It didn't help come Monday I was still just as tired.

So last night we switched it up and I took the Prozac (still only 10 mg) last night. I was still a little tired this morning but not nearly as bad as yesterday however I am feeling a few small waves of anxiety coming around. I am trying to avoid taking a Xanax today if possible, I really don't want to end up getting hooked or something. In a couple of days my dosage will be up to 20 mg so it will hopefully last all day and not make me completely exhausted either. As far as moods go nothing seems to have changed at all really.

On a whole different note, only one week till Curtis sees the dentist! wooo!

On yet another different note:
It looks like our jerk roommate Charlie is going to move in together with his girlfriend and two other friends once the lease is up and I am now thinking about trying to convince them to move into the apartments we are in now so that way Curtis and I can just move out into our own place. A couple of problems arise with that though. One will the apartment complex let us sign our names off the lease and allow the other guys to put their names on it. Two Curtis and I will have to have some money saved up so we can pay the deposit/security/turn the electric on etc. And I REALLY don't want to have to use my damn wedding money for it. Third we need to find a place NOT in the ghetto for around 650-700 dollars that has a washer dryer hook up and is close enough for his work, my work, and his school. He really doesn't like driving long ways which is part of the problem. Oh and of course in the mean time we would have to find time to pack with both of us working and him going to school. So yeah... not sure how great that would work out. What I would really like is to find a house that we could rent but I know that is REALLY stretching it. First and foremost I have to see if the room mate will even go with the idea.