I WANT BABIES!

 

So yeah my internal womanly clock is tick tick ticking away and loudly these days. I want a baby. I know I am not ready yet financially and Curtis and I aren't even married yes (and I will definitely wait at least till we are married) but damn I am so tired of reading about other people getting pregnant and having babies. Okay so maybe I am not sick of it I am just incredibly envious. I want a little bundle of joy all to myself. I know I say that now and its probably going to stress me out more than anything ever has in my whole life but deep down I feel soooo ready for it!

I don't really think Curtis is in the same boat as me when it comes to that though. He wants to finish school first which is going to take a couple of more years (and yes it makes perfect sense for him to finish up before we have a baby). *sigh* 

I think I am just going to post something on facebook to let me see if I can watch someone's kids for a day and maybe that will sway me from wanting them so bad. OR I could just go hang out in the middle of Wal-mart for an hour and I am pretty sure from watching other people's kids my eggs will shrivel up and die.

 

Babies, Therapists, Teeth, Interview (but not in that order)

I GOT TO HOLD A BABY TODAY! She was all of about 2-3 HOURS old! Why I am I going nuts and writings that in caps? Because it is the first time I have ever held a baby in my life. It was too strange! My hand were like twice the size of her head (my hand laid out flat I mean). She was just wriggling in my arms and being super cute. We got a text yesterday from Dwayne saying Rene went into labor at about 7 am. Now this is a surprise because the baby wasn't due until the beginning of March. Poor Rene was in Labor for 20 hours! Well our job was to watch her two other boys (ages 14, 6) over night which was very interesting because I have never met either of the two boys and I while I had met Dwayne once I have never met Rene or been to their house. But hey they are Curtis' long time friends and even though Curtis and Rene had an affair while she was married to Dwayne (and yes Dwayne knows about it because they then had a 3-some) I know Curtis said we would be there if they needed us. Oh and of course I got a picture of me and the baby along with a picture of Curtis and the Baby:

 

(He looks very natural holding her, I think.)

I am WAY tired today at work because the youngest son was sleeping in the same bed as us and the light was on in the room ALL night which meant little to no sleep for the both of us.

I had an interview yesterday for a weekend receptionist position at Brandon Ford and it would have been absolutely perfect for me. The lady that was supposed to interview me though had to leave early that day because she got sick and no one told me so I just filled out the usual papers and handed them in. The girl told me a little about the job and it all sounded good and she said she would have Susanna (the sick lady) call me back for a second interview but I have yet to hear anything. :( I think part of the reason is because of how much I make at this job and they might think I will expect the same amount. But who knows maybe she is still just sick and hasn't had time.

As far as other jobs go I will be washing dishes at Mike's Sushi this Saturday from 6pm-till close for a whopping 7.50 an hour. Its not much but now that Curtis' dentist appointment is rolling up on us I can finally start putting money away for the wedding.

Curtis' first appointment with the dentist is on the 22nd where he will get a cleaning and 3 fillings I am not going to be there so I hope he is okay. I will be paying them Friday (tomorrow) $6,532 with money and credit card. I think I might cry a little when I hand the money over. Then he goes in the 8th of March to get the major work done which I have to take a day off of work from.

I have a meeting with a therapist (the one Justin recommended) on the 24th, now this will be the actual MD that can prescribe me something for my anxiety (Curtis and I had a fight last night again about money right before we went to take care of the kids). I really do hope the doctor gives me something. I didn't actually get to go with the one Justin went to because he doesn't take Aetna Insurance but if recommended I will be going to his counseling therapist. Again, I am worried about my meeting. It also hasn't been approved at work for the time off for the teeth and this. I am worried I am taking too much time off of work too soon. Hopefully my boss is just busy which is why he hasn't replied back to me.

Not sure if we are spending another night with the kids or not. I guess I should ask.

I'm Just Not that Into... Anything Really...

  So I have been going through blog posts to see if I can add more people to read their blog and I have noticed that there are SOOOO many people on here that have religious blogs, and biking blogs, and sewing, and family, and photography, and yadda yadda insert interest here.

I have known for a long time I don't really have a "thing" I don't have a favorite food, or drink, song, band, brand, nothing really. My favorite color is yellow, and I have two favorite flowers orchids and roses, but that's about it. I don't have anything that I am obsessed with. I mean I have some simple interests like embroidery, ebay, coloring simple pictures to relax, but nothing that I could ever see submerging into completely. Its just not really me. I haven't done it with school for years, I didn't do it with most of my relationships, the present and past couple excluded of course. I'm just not that into anything.

So I have been thinking about this for a while and I think when the time comes what I am going to really be into, is my kids. My husband, my family.

I didn't grow up with a big family and its not going get much bigger with the addition of Curtis and kids but they are not really going to have any granparents except my mom and possible his mom for a while if she can jus stay healthy, but with it only being my mom and I for the longest time its like my family is going to triple if not quadruple in size.

I can just see myself getting into my family, baking cookies for school functions, getting them dressed in the morning, soccer practice, karate practice, ballet. I can't wait to start that part of my life! Okay so I CAN wait, I have to wait but man am I ready!, psychologically at least.