Debt and Anxiety

This seems to keep happening to me at least once a week...

I sit down and start counting my nickles and dimes (okay mainly pennies) and it just doesn't add up. I have to pay off my two credit cards before Curtis no longer gets loans from school in which case he will have no way to pay for rent, I have to try and save $4,000-$5,000 for a wedding I would like to have sometime this year, and I need another $10,000 to fix curtis' teeth.

Now the credit cards aren't be cause I am some irresponsible slob, I owe about $9,500 total, one card was used to pay for things during my time in college and the other help pay for my gastric bypass. I have been paying slightly over the minimum on each since I have gotten the cards but stupid me keeps buying things here and there like gas for the car or a pizza. I think I am going to have to take the plunge and cut up both of the cards. Now if I continue making the same payments as I am now I will have both cards paid off in about 5 or so years... that is not in time before Curtis runs out of money. I am currently paying $160 a month on one card and $130 on another if I can reduce my monthly bill by 300 bucks I think I would be able to carry a small apartment for the both of us if Curtis can't find a full time job right away.

We are moving out of the apartments we are in at the beginning of October so yes we are WAYS off from that but I also know that Curtis has the rent paid up until that time.

So the goal is to find an apartment that can fit all of Curtis's stuff and my clothes and is in a somewhat decent neighborhood not too far away from his school or work (I work in Tampa so it doesn't much matter) all for around $650 bucks... Now I know I can get an apartment for that amount. I know I can get an apartment for that amount and have it be a good size, I am NOT sure if I can find an apartment (or house but that is pushing it) for that amount that size and in a good neighborhood. I know no matter what the apartments will not be as nice as the ones we are in now but I do NOT want to live in the ghetto. I don't want to live there because 1) its the ghetto and 2) I know I will just want to move again in a year which I really want to stop doing. (I moved almost every year since I've come down to Florida and I have been here since the 3rd grade).

Now the wedding is partially paid for, we have about $2,000 saved up, or we will by the end of this month. I applied to a telemarketing part-time position (YUCK) but I haven't heard back from them as of yet. So we will see if that pans out at all.

As far as Curtis' teeth go I think he will have to end up going to a dental school and have it done little by little because I just don't think I can handle getting into even more debt at this point.

If I could just get rid of my car too that would help. I have a 2010 Toyota Yaris that I am paying $280 a month on and another $172 for insurance.

There has got to be a way to do this I just need to figure it out. Until then my anxiety levels have been sky rocketing. I am not as sweet to  Curtis who doesn't deserve me being like that and I just overall feel depressed. Now this mood comes and goes but I am tired of it popping up almost once a week to two weeks. I just need to figure out how to make more money and make it VERY quickly. Or at least within the next few month.

Teeth and Rings

Okay so I am beyond stressed out right now!!! I'm at work and I just want to break down and cry. First off my Ex-Fiance Geoff wants the ring he gave me back (which in a way ins understandable) because he lost his job and now needs to turn it in so they don't come after him for it. I am very sad to lose the ring and it was kind of my only insurance policy in case something terrible happens so I kind of feel like the tiny little cushion I had is now going to disappear.

I know I told him I would give him the ring back if he asked for it and I am going to keep my word but it hurts my feelings too, I know I should be over it and just move on but I had to give up another ring he gave me so we could get this one.

I think for at least a little while he and I won't be speaking. I'm sure he feels bad for having to take the ring back but I don't care. He should have had some money saved up or something in case of an emergency. *sigh* I feel like if one more thing goes wrong today I am going to flip out. I half feel like I should just take the rest of the day off because my nerves are on edge. Its only 10:30 right now and I know I should just hold out as long as I can.

The bigger issue is Curtis' teeth. He finally went to my dentist this morning only to find out that his insurance only covers $500 a year worth of dental work. How much dental work does he need? Oh just over $10,000. He said he is going to go to his bank and see what they can do for him but really its pointless because someone who makes only $9 an hour and works part time is not going to get a loan that freaking big from his bank not without like a 28% interest on it, but really I just don't see the bank giving him the loan. I just have no idea how we are going to afford all this, really we can't. And his poor mouth is going to rot away and are just going to get worse.

Even though he is getting money from his school loans even that is not going to be enough to cover this expense. I feel sick to my stomach thinking about it. And once again I feel like fate is telling me not to have a wedding because I am going to have this enormous bill to pay. I know its not like the bill will be my sole responsibility but I just feel so helpless and I hate that.

I just don't know what we are going to do. Poor Curtis probably feels worse than I do. I know he just wants the problem with his mouth fixed already.

I don't know how much more of this I can handle...

Stresses, Dresses

So I think I'm starting to take my stress out on Curtis because of the lack of money we have for the wedding. Poor guy I know he is trying but its like I just can't be satisfied. He is selling his Transformers and what not but then he goes and buys a book he will not need until next semester. I know he says he is doing it to get a head start but really I think he could be getting a much better deal on all of his books if he bought it a little later and ANYWHERE else besides the school book store. In the mean time I feel like the bad guy because lately its like I have been bitching at him about every little red cent he spends.

Really I think he needs to get a different job that is more pay and has a set amount of hours. At least that way we know exactly how much money is coming in for every pay check and there isn't this oh god am I going to get 10 hours next week or 25... And I know the hours are not his fault but still I just feel like he needs to let go of GameStop and see if maybe there are better opportunities out there for him.

I really do feel like a whiny brat.

I am trying to get a part time job to pay for everything in the mean time but really I just want to be lazy. Something needs to light a fire under my butt too and get going with my ebay sales god only knows those clothes will not be in style forever and some I probably already just need to get rid of. I just can't seem to get motivated about anything lately, and I don't know why. I'm not sure if its just because things look bleak or if its because I am worried I will lose my job and I know I will need to sell my clothes at that time for collateral or what.

On top of everything else my mother has been no help at all with the wedding. I tried to call her on her birthday and the next day but no such luck. I didn't have the money to send her flowers so I don't know if she is pissed, I guess I could have sent her a card I, again was just being lazy about it.

On a more positive note, I found a dress I like and a couple of webistes that are willing to sell the dress for like 80% less than the retail cost which is $2,145.

A picture of the dress can be found here:
http://www.demetriosbride.com/us/index.php?page=collection_ilissa&styleID=2644

and a much cheaper place to buy the dress can be found here:
http://www.dresstimes.com/home.php

Another place I want to check out more dresses is here:
http://www.preownedweddingdresses.com/